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Beauty in the Breakdown: Portrait of Pain and Passion

"...life is art; messy yet beautiful, all at once."

Little Miss G for Genmai Cha
23 October

I'm also at Tea Photography

I’ve decided to share what I love to do more publicly and have made this life passion, my happy work!
In truth, I love all genres of art, and have been involved in many of them.

The life and works of Frida Kahlo, [link in journal column], is one personal and artistic inspiration in my life.

I also joined Kemscrima-Doh in August of 2001, and eventually earned my certified black belt degree. While I do find it unfortunate that unforeseen medical issues made the ability to continue the physical training too risky, I do find it fortunate that it continues to remain a part of my life in every other way. And I do continue to grow and evolve with it.

“…but you can’t take the dojo out of the Martial Artist.”

I also trained and earned my certification in Alternative and Energy Therapies. My interest in Alternative Healing was born out of a feeling so long ago that much was missing from Western Medicinal practices.

Additionally, I have suffered greatly from Chronic Daily Migraines [or Transformed Migraines] originally diagnosed at age 12, and diagnosed with advanced Fibromyalgia a few years ago, among several Chronic Pain Illnesses…

I believe in healing… I believe that healing is not always the same as a cure, though- [but, could be.] I believe that learning how to live each day the best I possibly can, given my circumstances, is healing. Some days, I'm healing better than others...
I believe that:

Healing is an ART = ART is Healing.

I also strongly believe that:

LIFE is ART, messy yet beautiful all at once.

Life is truly all about the journey. There are so many bumps a long the way, but to catch myself on, or scrutinize every single one, each arbitrary molehill will become that arbitrary mountain…
and we’ll forget to enjoy the ride,
...and that it’s actually okay to enjoy the ride!

A mantra for myself, sounds simple, but is not always easy:

Think, balance.

Envisioning what is "balance" for me, for the past few years, and attempting to live this way, has improved my life in many ways.

Above all else, I still seem to write, first and foremost.
If for no other reason, than for the therapeutic value it continues to provide for myself, the same way as my other artistic endeavors… because of course, writing is an art, too!

From what the Earth has shown me, and particular people on it, who have built bridges by expressing themselves, and showing another point of view, supporting and sharing with me along the way...

I am ever grateful for all I’ve learned, the life student that I am, even from situations and faces of sadness, angst, darkness, and fear. These are also remarkable teachers, from which lessons of positive can be gleaned. I only attempt to pay it forward through an openness and expression of some bridge-building of my own.

However, the history of this nearly six year old online journal will be maintained as a locked FRIENDS-ONLY journal. I consider the ability to see the journal of another as both a privilege and an honour. Deep respect and trust arises from this type of connection.

But it does not mean I would not consider adding someone back.
It’s just important to know certain things about me first.

***Please consider reading the only public entry, by clicking on my name teajade, before adding me. [*Not long, like this.]

Length of what I write, is far from the depths of who I am, plus it’s always difficult to “box me in” so-to-speak.

I write about that on my My Space. We’re all unique, which is one thing I find so beautiful about the world, in general. Understanding my own brand of uniqueness and learning how to tolerate, accept, and then express it, has been quite an exceptional ride unto it’s own on my journey for many years now.
What an unfolding process!

***NOTE: All Original Photography, User Pics, and Written Content Copyright © 2-18-2003 to 2008 TeaJade


A Few of Many Quotes and Lyrics that I really like:

~ The Esprit Corp.

The only way out, is through.
~ The Shawshank Redemption.

If you're going through hell, keep going...
~ Winston Churchill

Denial is NOT a river in Africa.
~ Al Franken

Be who you are and say what you feel,
because those who mind don't matter,
and those who matter don't mind.

~ Dr. Seuss

Optimism is the true weapon of the revolutionary.
~ Kate Clinton

So you're not wearing your trousers today, then.

No, I like to change and change about. Boy one day, and girl the next.

~ exchange from Tipping the Velvet, between characters played by Jodhi May and Rachel Stirling

Not all who wander are lost.
~ Tolkien

To accept pain as a teacher and a blessing,
is to truly know the beauty of life.

If one is too afraid to enter the dark,
they will never truly appreciate the light.

~ V.W. Fultz

Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first,
the lesson after.

~ Vernon Law

Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past.
~ Lily Tomlin

Step out the front door like a ghost
into the fog where no one notices
the contrast of white on white.

And in between the moon and you
the angels get a better view
of the crumbling difference between wrong and right.

I walk in the air between the rain
through myself and back again ...


She’s trapped inside a month of grey


I will paint my picture
Paint myself in blue and red and black and grey
All of the beautiful colors are very very meaningful
Grey is my favorite color
I felt so symbolic yesterday
If I knew Picasso
I would buy myself a grey guitar and play


A long December and there’s reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last…
…It’s been so long since I’ve seen the ocean… I guess I should.

"I gotta rush away," she said...
"...this change I've been feeling... "
Just the same old walkaways
and someday
I'm gonna stay
but not today.

~ excerpts from Adam Duritz, Counting Crows

Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes,
working jobs we hate, to buy shit we don't need.

~ Tyler Durden [Brad Pitt] in Fight Club
[novel originally written by Chuck Palahnuik]

Your expression is worth a thousand words...
or maybe two.

~ William Forrester [Sean Connery] in Finding Forrester

Oh, I love seeing teachers outside of school.
It's like seeing a dog walking on its hind legs.

~ Gretchen [Lacey Chabert] in MEAN GIRLS

I shall respect Rex.
I shall never misuse Rex Kwon Do.
I shall be a champion of freedom and justice.

~ Painted on the wall of Rex's dojo in Napoleon Dynamite

What this reveals is his highest ideal. In the first stage, man and sword become interchangeable. Here even a blade of grass, can be used as a lethal weapon. In the next stage, the sword resides not in the hand, but in the heart. Even without a weapon, the warrior can slay his enemy from a hundred paces. But the ultimate ideal is when the sword disappears altogether. The warrior embraces all around him. The desire to kill no longer exists. Only peace remains.

Your majesty, my task is now completed. Because of my decision today many will die, and your majesty will go on living. A dead man begs you to remember a warrior’s ultimate act is to lay down his sword.

~ exchange from Hero between characters played by Chen Dao-Ming and Jet Li

Did you ever look in the mirror so long that your face doesn’t make sense anymore? It just becomes all these shapes. Just shapes. Not good or bad.
~ Janeane Garofolo in Truth about Cats and Dogs

You are expressing the technique and not doing the technique… like sound and echo without any deliberation. It is as though I call you, you answer me or when I throw something to you, you catch it, that’s all. Your task is to simply complete the other half of the oneness spontaneously. There is nothing to try to do. In the final stage, techniques are all forgotten. Everything simply flows.
~ Bruce Lee

The Master doesn't try to be powerful;
thus he is truly powerful.
The ordinary man keeps reaching for power
thus he never has enough.

~ Tao Te Ching

What lies behind us,
and what lies before us
are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

Do the thing you fear
and the death of fear is certain.
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

There came a time when the risk to remain tight within the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~ Anais Nin

The point is, you see, that there is no point in driving yourself mad trying to stop yourself going mad. You might just as well give in and save your sanity for later.
~ Ford Prefect in Douglas Adams' The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.
~ Gandhi

Writing is like Yoga for the Mind.
~ Cyndi C. Swaney

We do not write because we want to; we write because we have to.
~ W. Somerset Maugham

But don't forget it's just a ride...

...So live it, just gotta go with it...

It's just a ride, it's just a ride
No need to run, no need to hide
It'll take you all around
Sometimes you're up
Sometimes you're down
It's just a ride, it's just a ride
Don't be scared now
Dry your eyes
It may feel so real inside

But don't forget..........


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